Bourgeoisie Guide To Homelessness
by The Donkey | October 9, 2008 | In Classy Guides | 1 Comment
We have all seen a homeless person and had questions. How can you go hungry in the world of $0.49 hamburgers? If you knew you were down on your luck then why wouldn’t you make a move toward warmer climate? Who are you talking to?
All of these questions, and more, are the reason for this instructional checklist. It is clear that once you become homeless you are no longer in the best state of mind to think rationally so we are doing it for you. This is the bourgeoisie guide to help the soon-to-be homeless, or the recently homeless (who some how have Internet access), make the most of their situation and plan for the future so to speak.
1. Watch for warning signs before you may actually become homeless. No one goes from financially secure to living in a box in 12 hours. The signs are there you just have to look (i.e. your family leaves, you might get fired, you have no money in the bank, etc.).
2. Try to make a trip to REI for any last minute outdoor gear. Preferably clothes that breathe and wick away moisture layered with a wool and wind resistant outer layer for those colder nights.
3. Spend your last bit of cash, or space on your credit cards, and buy a ticket to somewhere better than where you live. Why be homeless in Branson, MO when you can be homeless in Buenos Aires, Argentina? Plus, depending on your age (must be under 25), if you are floundering around in a foreign country you aren’t considered “homeless” but rather “finding yourself”.
4. Just because you’re homeless doesn’t mean you can’t accessorize. Spice up that trash bag with a lovely broach crafted from a Natty Ice can.
5. If you are homeless because you are the type that would rather just flounder about life and have no desire for material possessions then you don’t need a shopping cart full of them. Ditch the cart. If you don’t have a floor, then you don’t need a broken floor lamp with no bulb in it. On the other hand, if you’re homeless because you’re crazy then embrace the shopping cart. The more the merrier. Have thirty shopping carts and tie them all together like a city in Waterworld.
